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Bless me BabyCenter
It been a long time since my last confession. We Jews hold on tightly to our guilt. We feed off it. It like water or oxygen or bagels to us.
And so, it comes to pass, that I been hiding something. Something even from my own family. But, then, in terms of American sins, this one is probably the one Americans find most repellent. It the one that, if encountered by my stepmom, compels her to scoff, roll her eyes and mutter just loud enough for the person to hear, here goes. I been smoking.
On my personal Sin Scale, it a low one. A sin especially low because I not smoking like I used to do in college meaning a pack of MarlboroReds every day. (I still not sure how I managed that. Not my lungs or my schedule. Four cigarettes. Yes, that is how pathetic my sin is. I can even sin properly.
I also have theoccasionalcigarette when I out at a pub. But, since I out at the pub about four times a year, I say that doesn add much to my weekly average.
I did this with my first baby, May, as well. About two months after she was born, I started. On days that were really stressful and there were plenty while she took her nap, I sneak outside on to our balcony overlooking the whole of London, and I light up. For ten minutes, four times a week, I wasn someone mother, I was just me, as I was pre baby.
After I returned to work, my guilty pleasure petered out. Within a few months, I stopped altogether.
Two months after Ieuan, my baby boy, was born, I reintroduced myself to the stick of death. I feel like it is bad. Really bad. Like I said, a sin. Because what kind of mother puts her health at risk when her first born is has such severe needs herself?
On the other hand, it is such a small liberty to take. In a world where I am devoted to my disabled daughter care, it is a reminder to myself that I am not a martyr. I am a just a person.
The BabyCenter Confessional is open! Comment on my sin or add your own.
You can read more from Stacie atMama Lewis and the Amazing Adventures of the Half Brained Baby.
Photo: Flickr (Brian Drumm 2005)
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I hate smoking! Its one of the most disgusting things ever. I hate when you walk by someone and they reek of smoke. Its gross. But you my friend, can hardly call yourself a smoker. It sounds like it is less about the cigarette than it is about having a quiet moment to yourself. You are forgiven. Within hour of having a cigarette, your body starts to recover. You are giving yourself a whole day (or more) to recover and don do it for a long period of time, so I say the health risks are pretty minimal. Don feel too bad about it.
Well if you continue the habit, before long you won be allowed to smoke much in the borders of the USA, as we are doing everything we can to outlaw smoking in as many places as possible.
As a nonsmoker, it bugs me. There are many nice places I can no longer go to with my kids because of the smoking issue. I guess my own parental judgement isn good enough anymore.
I do hope, Stacie, that this confession of yours doesn result in you smoking more. It is, of course, none of my business, but once it is out in the open it may be more tempting to do it more often. Of course I think back in the 1960s and 1970s there was likely a lot more drinking and smoking and now we have replaced that with anti depressants and other prescription drugs to get by.
The whole idea of confession absolving the person and then they continue, only feeling much better about it, has troubled me too. I thought about writing this post a couple of months ago, but didn for just that reason. However, I think I have so much guilt in me and worries about various people uncovering my secret, that I won do it more often. I don really want to do it more often anyway. I lose the pleasure of the stolen moment if I did. (Also, read your later comment about Bourbon, KY. My husband loves bourbon so I going to share this tidbit with him.)
Yes, I got your confusion. Different states have different lawas (and different counties have different laws). Here is some trivia for you (that you probably never need or wish to know), but Bourbon County KY (most all Bourbon are made in KY) is a dry county. You can buy alcohol there. Weird, huh?
Unfortunately, though, you have made me think less highly of MA (joking here a bit). I know it is weird, because I really don like smoking or the smell of it, but I think people should be able to smoke outside or in certain sections in restaurants, etc. It is just a freedom of choice thing for me.
If I could smoke I smoke more than four a week so don feel too bad. Besides, coffee and cigarettes go together like PB mac cheese, wine cheese. I haven had ONE cigarette since June 25, 2010 (haha I sould like an alcoholic remembering their last drink).
I don like smoke or even the smell near my child (or my preggo self), but I with Julius it sort of a freedom of choice issue for me. You choose to smoke where you want, and I will choose to go to non smoking facilities. I especially don care if people are smoking outside not in front of the door!
I such a goodie two shoes that right now my big is the amount of pepsi I drink. It completely out of hand and it pretty much the only thing I ever drink. Sometimes, I have to really rack my brain and try to remember when the last time I actually had some water and then force myself to drink some. I don like coffee and I don like tea, so Pepsi is my caffeine source. I drink so much of it that I literally go through withdrawls if I don drink it. I had actually attempted to quit drinking Pepsi once and thought I was dying for an entire week. I had such a bad pounding headache, I was nauseas, and I couldn sleep at night or during the day or ever. I was so irritable I had to lock myself in my room to keep from screaming at my husband over nothing. Then I broke down and had a glass of pepsi and felt 100% better within 15 minutes. That when I knew I had a problem.
I have never smoked, but my husband does. Over the years, he tried to quit about four different times by various methods (gum, patch, cold turkey). Each and every time, he gained a TON of weight (even with diet and exercise) which only came off once he started up again. I would love it if he quit. I want him to live a good long life with me. But I have read several articles that say, in terms of health, that being obese is a lot worse than being a smoker. They say that the cost of health care is higher for an obese person (due to all the complications it creates), and quality of life is worse for the obese. Every person in my husband family is obese except for him, so it is a real danger for him. I feel like I having to pick the lesser evil here. But that why I decided to stop bugging him about quitting.
As for my health and that of our children, he only smokes outside so our exposure is minimal. And I don think it will influence our kids to become smokers themselves. My father smoked, but I never have (and I have no asthma or allergies to show for all that cigarette exposure growing up). My in laws never smoked, but my husband does.
Thank you so much for your confession! I used to smoke 1 2 paks a day, and quit January 1st of 2008, and month and 1/2 before I got pregnant with my first child. I am now pregnant with my third baby. My oldest child is 3, my 2nd child is 18 months, and I am 14 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. Since I quit smoking, I have never touched a cigarette. That being said, hardly a day goes by that I don want one. Only my children and admitting failing at quitting have kept me from going back.
I dont know what I miss the most about my old smoking days, but I think it wasthe private time, like you said. Since having kids, and becoming a stay at home mom, my life is 24 7 about my kids. Some days, I dont see any of the old me in here at all.
Now, all that being said, I also grew up with a mom who smoked in private. She has quit so many times, only to go back to smoking. Each time she would lie to us and hide the fact that she had started again. I have never minded her smoking, even before I smoked too. What I hated, was knowing that she was lying to us. She a few years ago, started smoking again, and has been lying to us ever since.
And so I applaud your confession. Smoking a few cigarettes a week will not hurt your children, especially if it helps you maintain your sanity as well as a piece of who you were pre babies.